My last relationship literally destroyed for some time and eventually I felt like I had come through the fire and emerged from the ashes a new woman. However, recent events have shown that I am not as healed as I thought I was. I met a man about two weeks ago via an online dating website. He is a very nice man who has a similar background to mine and genuinely seems to like me. Now for the hitch in my otherwise dreamy tale. He is spending the weekend at his family home which is about 3 hours away from here. He usually texts me fairly regularly but I haven't heard from him in about 12 hours and my mind is racing.
I could barely sleep last night because of dreams that he wanted nothing to do with me. This morning I am a complete ball of nerves. My stomach feels wretched, my nerves are hanging by a thread, my heart is racing and my blood pressure is elevated. Apparently I am not over the damage that was done to me a year ago.
I am trying not to think about things nor make any judgments of this new person based on what someone else once did to me. Admittedly, it is very difficult for me to sit here and remain calm about everything. If he really meant what he has said to me then I trust that he really does like me and want to spend time with me.
Early this morning I had a long conversation with God. He knows my heart better than anyone. I admitted that, while I would love to ask that this man not hurt me and for him to be the one, the true things that I needed to pray for was strength, patience and understanding.
I most sincerely hope that this man is thinking of me right about now and that he is truly enjoying his time with his family. I will keep faith that he is going text or call me sooner rather than later and that we are still on for going to the movies tonight.
I'm scared by what all these emotions mean for me. Does it mean that I'm never really going to get past the hurt? Does it mean no one is ever really going to love me? Will I possibly ruin a relationship? I don't know the answers to the questions and I accept that that is the way things are meant to be.
In the meantime, I'm going to cross my fingers, keep myself busy and pray that this man comes through for me.
