The highs and lows...

For all of the wonderful, empowering moments I've had lately I have finally hit the low point in this vicious cycle. 

I have truly loved learning that I am good enough just on my own; I don't need to be in a relationship to feel my best. On the flip side of that is the darker moments that I am having now. I feel like a completely crashed person, an empty shell.

In some degree I think it's partly just being rundown. I do so much and take care of everyone that I never really take care of myself and no one else is going to take care of me. Sometimes I wish I really could just crawl in a dark hole and hide.

If I don't learn to let go of some of this stress then it is going to start having some adverse effects on me. I'm beginning to notice that a majority of my muscles stay tense when I really should be relaxed, I'm getting tons more headaches than I used to, I constantly feeling like I'm coming down sick and I feel like I am literally one breath away from completely crumbling.

Reflecting....

Tonight, while watching one of my absolute favorite movies, Jane Eyre, I was reminded of something I miss very much. Kissing, specifically that all consuming, passionate kiss that leaves you breathless. I've had some very amazing kisses in my life but I still believe that there is someone out there who will completely shatter my world with a kiss. I imagine him grabbing me by the waist, pulling me close and possessing my lips with a passion I have never felt before.

Well, I've got to move on from this topic, otherwise I'll spend all night thinking about kisses and then wind up depressed because I don't have anyone to kiss.

The journey begins...

... and here is the first step. Today is the the first day of my journey to lose weight and live a more healthful lifestyle. So, in order to start things right I have taken pictures of how I look now and will update each month with a new picture and my weight. This is the year of no excuses and no regrets!