....back to the cycle of mild depression caused by loneliness. Life has been going really good for me and I'm not really in a bad place, but I still find myself thinking about relationships. For some reason here lately I have been thinking of someone that is almost like forbidden fruit at this point. We used to work together and have always acknowledged our mutual attraction. At the time, we were both in long term relationships and weren't really willing to cross that line. Once things changed we talked about getting together for a drink and kept making soft plans but his plans always fell through. I have to admit that each time I was somewhat devastated but I kept moving on with my life.
Lately, however, I can't seem to get him out of my mind. I can visualize his eyes, hair, the cheesy, adorable mustache, the tattoos, how he looks in jeans and boots and even how he looked when he was in uniform. If I'm going to be totally honest, I do have to admit that I've always harbored the hope that he would fall madly in love with me but I won't hold my breath on that one.
Sometimes I wonder about why we haven't been able to actually make a date happen. Is he scared of me? Do I really intimidate him? Is really not interested in anything but sex? Is he afraid of falling in love with me? Now that I see what I've been thinking, it sounds really lame. Even lamer is the fact that I posted a Missed Connections thing on Craigslist in the town he lives. I was hoping maybe he would see that and think of me.
Well, I think this blog serves as proof of just how pathetic I truly am. Just as I have done before, I am going to keep moving forward and hopefully something will happen for me.
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