About two months or so ago I made the difficult decision to have my fallopian tubes tied off as a means of permanent birth control. I had always hoped for more children but as time has gone by and my daughters have grown I had come to realize that perhaps what I wanted was not what was best for us as a family. Even when I was seeking new relationships, I did so with the thought of "Would this person want to have a child of their own with me?".
When Geoff and I got together I still considered a child of our own as a real possibility. But as well settled in to what is now a really great relationship, we both talked it over and concluded that a baby was not what we wanted. And so, I made that difficult decision to have surgery and end what had been a dream of mine for years.
While closing that door has been easier than I had previously thought, the changes that have come with this new journey are more than I had expected. The hormonal changes have been more than I could have anticipated and some days I feel like I am going crazy. I do believe that luck is on my side give the fact that I am able to recognize my symptoms, know that they are just chemical reactions and redirect my thoughts in order to circumvent the craziness. It is tiring however and I do hope that it passes sooner rather than later. One moment I am emotional and then that fades to reality which then fades to quiet anger and that in turn fades again to reality and a little shame for being so petty.
Despite the discomforts I may have to deal with, they pale in comparison to how glad I am that I made the choice I did and followed through with it. That which does not kill us, makes us stronger and by George, I am going to be as strong as is humanly possible.
"When the sun is shining I can do anything; no mountain is too high, no trouble too difficult to overcome." - Wilma Rudolph
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