Return to Oz

I hadn't realized how long it's been since I've posted anything. The really sad part is that in my year and a half absence not much has changed in my life. I still work one job, albeit a part time one, still caring for my beautiful girls and my life is still completely, fracking crazy.

Lizzie, who is now 12, is dealing with the difficulties of growing up and all the emotions that come with it. Grace has finally found her voice, so to speak, and has become very headstrong and obstinate. My mother, who used to be semi independent, is now totally dependent on me since she had open heart surgery and has lost her eye sight due to her diabetes. I know it sounds like I'm complaining but I'm still the only one dealing with everything and doing it all alone.

One would think that with all that I have going on in my life that I wouldn't have time to be depressed but that seems to be how I feel a lot of the time. I do have to admit that my sisters have been helpful in keeping me grounded and positive, but on nights like tonight it's a struggle. It is very difficult not to feel lonely and sad with how my life has turned out so far.

When this happens I try to remind myself of all the great things I have going for me. I am going back to school in the fall and am more determined than ever to obtain my degree, I have a great job that I enjoy and is opening me up to new people and friendships, I am very self-sufficient and can take care of myself and my family without anyone else's help and, with some routine reminders, I know that I don't need a man to have a happy life and that if finding a partner is in God's plan for me it will happen.

It's a lot for me to deal with sometimes but what else is there to do. I will never turn my back on my responsibilities, that's just who I am. Remaining confident in myself and continuing to live life one day at a time are personal priorities that are gonna get me where I am meant to be.