Sunday, December 29, 2013
Sick...
Looks like I will ringing in the new year by trying to get rid of whatever virus has invaded my body. No worries, though. I am so intent on making 2014 the best year ever that I have no problem starting by cleansing my physical self. With a little perseverance and strength I will make it through anything that may be thrown my way. Love and happiness!
Wednesday, December 25, 2013
Last week.....
....to binge on anything I want. As of 12:01 am January 1, 2014 I will officially be on a very serious diet. I will be cutting out soda and cutting back on the carbs and sugar. I am determined to lose between 50 & 60 pounds and look damn good by next Christmas. I've cut all the people who cause stress and anxiety out of my life without a second look.
I'm also going to do a few things this year that I've always wanted to but have been too afraid to actually make happen. For starters, I am going to be walking in the CASA 5k Frosty Run/Walk and at some point this year I am going to go out, have fun and sing karaoke.
2014 is the year of the new me and the life I want!! I am going to snap a pic of me on the 1st and post it and then each month or two weeks I'll post another pic with my updated weight.
Friday, December 20, 2013
Screw you......
Sounds kinda harsh, I know, but that is exactly going to be my attitude going into the new year. I am sick and tired of giving my heart, spirit and energy to people who aren't willing to give back. If you haven't opened your eyes and realized what is standing right in front of you then you are too damn late cuz I am gone.
Best part is that I have major plans for 2014 and every single one of them are gonna make those people who have ignored me eat their hearts out. For one, I am losing the weight; two, I am trying new things (like signing up for a 5K run/walk and going out to sing karaoke); three, I am going to change my look; four, I am going to make all those naysayers and doubters eat crow!
I will no longer feel like I'm not worthy just because someone doesn't reciprocate feelings or doesn't look twice at me. What have I been waiting for? I already have everything I need in life and can go after what I want.
Best part is that I have major plans for 2014 and every single one of them are gonna make those people who have ignored me eat their hearts out. For one, I am losing the weight; two, I am trying new things (like signing up for a 5K run/walk and going out to sing karaoke); three, I am going to change my look; four, I am going to make all those naysayers and doubters eat crow!
I will no longer feel like I'm not worthy just because someone doesn't reciprocate feelings or doesn't look twice at me. What have I been waiting for? I already have everything I need in life and can go after what I want.
Friday, December 13, 2013
What You Gonna Do Lyrics (HD) - Hunter Hayes featuring Ashley Monroe
This song speaks to me for some unknown reason, but oddly enough I feel hopeful after hearing it. Who knows?
Thursday, December 12, 2013
??????????
I really don't know what to title this post; I am so exhausted and frustrated that I can't even begin to think of something.
I feel like I'm living in my own private hell right now. Elizabeth, who just turned 13, is causing life to be very difficult. Her hormones are wreaking havoc on her emotions and autism and it literally takes all I have to deal with it. She is more defiant than ever, wants to control everything, curses, throws things and refuses to go to school anymore. I am at my wits end as to what I should do. I try to remain calm and talk things out with her but sometimes it's nearly impossible so I do end up blowing up and yelling. She is right when she says that I don't understand her, but she doesn't realize that it isn't from lack of trying. It is very difficult to see things from her perspective because I never know which perspective she is seeing them from; is it the teenager who can be mature and wants to do grown up things or is it the kid who still loves her stuffed dolls and toddler cartoons. Either way, each one does not rationally see things.
I never thought I would be raising my kids alone or that they would have the issues that they do. I feel like I have failed my children because I can't always accommodate their needs or wants and that just compounds my frustration. I think that after this momentary breakdown I am going to have to reassess everything and find out what more I can do to improve not only things at home but life in general for my girls.l
I feel like I'm living in my own private hell right now. Elizabeth, who just turned 13, is causing life to be very difficult. Her hormones are wreaking havoc on her emotions and autism and it literally takes all I have to deal with it. She is more defiant than ever, wants to control everything, curses, throws things and refuses to go to school anymore. I am at my wits end as to what I should do. I try to remain calm and talk things out with her but sometimes it's nearly impossible so I do end up blowing up and yelling. She is right when she says that I don't understand her, but she doesn't realize that it isn't from lack of trying. It is very difficult to see things from her perspective because I never know which perspective she is seeing them from; is it the teenager who can be mature and wants to do grown up things or is it the kid who still loves her stuffed dolls and toddler cartoons. Either way, each one does not rationally see things.
I never thought I would be raising my kids alone or that they would have the issues that they do. I feel like I have failed my children because I can't always accommodate their needs or wants and that just compounds my frustration. I think that after this momentary breakdown I am going to have to reassess everything and find out what more I can do to improve not only things at home but life in general for my girls.l
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Just chugging along in life......
Ok, so all in all life is pretty good right now. I'm almost done prepping for Christmas and am enjoying the holiday. I am absolutely looking forward to the new year and the changes that I am making in my life.
There is, however, one teeny, tiny hiccup. I am having to push down my feelings for someone. It's not really a major issue but it's just bothersome. Part of the friendship with this person was made explicit that any feelings beyond friendship would not become an issue. Now, I haven't made any mention of said feelings nor have I behaved in any way that would betray my secret. I have taken the time, though, to ponder on why I have these feelings for this person in particular and quite honestly it makes perfect sense. Back when I was in therapy, I discovered that I tend to choose partners that need taken care of in some degree. My caregiving nature literally encompasses every aspect of my life. What I've found is that I tend to choose men who are slightly broken, for lack of a better word. The friend in question has had some difficult times in life and really benefits from having a shoulder to cry on, so to speak. Now add in the fact that said person is a little older than me but still very physically active and we have the Mindy Trifecta. A man who needs to be cared for but not to an excessive degree, is slightly older than me and still loves to go out and do things.
Considering everything the both of us have had to deal with, I am not planning on ever revealing my feelings unless my friend wants to specifically change the dynamics of our relationship. Meanwhile, I keep trudging through life hoping against hope that I will find the love of my life and living everyday to the fullest possible.
There is, however, one teeny, tiny hiccup. I am having to push down my feelings for someone. It's not really a major issue but it's just bothersome. Part of the friendship with this person was made explicit that any feelings beyond friendship would not become an issue. Now, I haven't made any mention of said feelings nor have I behaved in any way that would betray my secret. I have taken the time, though, to ponder on why I have these feelings for this person in particular and quite honestly it makes perfect sense. Back when I was in therapy, I discovered that I tend to choose partners that need taken care of in some degree. My caregiving nature literally encompasses every aspect of my life. What I've found is that I tend to choose men who are slightly broken, for lack of a better word. The friend in question has had some difficult times in life and really benefits from having a shoulder to cry on, so to speak. Now add in the fact that said person is a little older than me but still very physically active and we have the Mindy Trifecta. A man who needs to be cared for but not to an excessive degree, is slightly older than me and still loves to go out and do things.
Considering everything the both of us have had to deal with, I am not planning on ever revealing my feelings unless my friend wants to specifically change the dynamics of our relationship. Meanwhile, I keep trudging through life hoping against hope that I will find the love of my life and living everyday to the fullest possible.
Sunday, December 1, 2013
Ho-ho-holiday burnout....
We have only just begun the holidays and already the fatigue is setting in, hopefully is just the after effect of a large Thanksgiving dinner.
The Christmas decorations are slowly going up and the kids and I will be decorating the tree this coming weekend. Most of the presents are wrapped and there is only a little bit of shopping left to do, so all in all I really can't complain.
I am really amazed at how well things are going for me and that I have actually been able to maintain most of the positive changes that I started. I guess all that's left is to enjoy what time there is in remainder of this year and get myself ready for the goals I have set for 2014.
The Christmas decorations are slowly going up and the kids and I will be decorating the tree this coming weekend. Most of the presents are wrapped and there is only a little bit of shopping left to do, so all in all I really can't complain.
I am really amazed at how well things are going for me and that I have actually been able to maintain most of the positive changes that I started. I guess all that's left is to enjoy what time there is in remainder of this year and get myself ready for the goals I have set for 2014.
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