Ok, so all in all life is pretty good right now. I'm almost done prepping for Christmas and am enjoying the holiday. I am absolutely looking forward to the new year and the changes that I am making in my life.
There is, however, one teeny, tiny hiccup. I am having to push down my feelings for someone. It's not really a major issue but it's just bothersome. Part of the friendship with this person was made explicit that any feelings beyond friendship would not become an issue. Now, I haven't made any mention of said feelings nor have I behaved in any way that would betray my secret. I have taken the time, though, to ponder on why I have these feelings for this person in particular and quite honestly it makes perfect sense. Back when I was in therapy, I discovered that I tend to choose partners that need taken care of in some degree. My caregiving nature literally encompasses every aspect of my life. What I've found is that I tend to choose men who are slightly broken, for lack of a better word. The friend in question has had some difficult times in life and really benefits from having a shoulder to cry on, so to speak. Now add in the fact that said person is a little older than me but still very physically active and we have the Mindy Trifecta. A man who needs to be cared for but not to an excessive degree, is slightly older than me and still loves to go out and do things.
Considering everything the both of us have had to deal with, I am not planning on ever revealing my feelings unless my friend wants to specifically change the dynamics of our relationship. Meanwhile, I keep trudging through life hoping against hope that I will find the love of my life and living everyday to the fullest possible.
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