For those who are not familiar "SSDD" it commonly means "Same sh*t, different day". Somehow nothing changes in my life no matter how hard I try. I try to have a conversation with the intent of asserting myself and having my feelings known, but somehow it turned into how my actions bothered someone else and how my children need to stop show their displeasure at a certain someone who they no longer want as part of our lives. Why do I always leave a conversation like this one going "WTF just happened?"?
I'm a pushover. I have been conditioned by over a decade of mental and emotional abuse. I can start out assertive but once the other party begins their side of the argument, I just start to shrink. When you've gone through what I have been through you learn that if you just shut your mouth, admit it was your fault and try to move on, then things will get better faster than if you tried to stand up for yourself. While thankfully I am no longer in an abusive relationship, the effects will more than likely last a lifetime and I will have to deal with rebuilding myself every single day.
The good news in all of this is the fact that I an now more resolute than ever in my decisions. Sure, I will take responsibility for the problems, just to get this other person to shut up, but deep down I know that I am right and that this person has trouble seeing beyond the end of their own nose.
The strings will be cut and this kite will fly free and absolutely happy! Life is too short to let someone else have control of mine!
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