Wow, it's been since October that I last posted! One would think that the cause would be a busy life and while that is partly true in my case, there is so much more. Let's countdown a few of the issues up for consideration:
1) I am extremely unhappy in my current relationship and thinking of ending things.
2) My teenage children (who have Autism) have been driving me especially crazy with all of this puberty stuff.
3) My new job has been somewhat demanding of my time.
4) I am trying very hard to finish my college degree (it's a two-year degree that has only taken me six years to nearly accomplish)
5) All of the stress that I am dealing with makes me feel like I am going crazy and I really think I might actually be in danger of having a breakdown.
Ugh, I feel like such a terrible person when I vent about my problems because I'm sure there are others who have it worse than me.
My brain runs in overdrive a lot lately and I end up remembering and thinking about things that are unexpected. For instance, I have been thinking about my deceased husband more than usual. I guess the fact that my relationship is rocky has made me recall a few of the times that the girls dad actually was good to us. Totally random, but last night I remembered that years ago an acquaintance told me that I should write a book about my life. He thought that my situation is entirely unique and that I had an interesting way of dealing with what life threw at me. Boy, do I have some stories that I could tell.
Here's an example of my life:
I have gone through two different therapists in my quest to silence my past demons and cope with life. The first was a very nice guy who was able to really get me to see that I am better than how I have been treated in the past and that I do not have to settle just so I won't be alone. During my first session with this therapist, I noticed that he wore a unique-looking argyle sock. I am kind of ashamed to admit that once I noticed it, I immediately thought this guy has got to be gay. Not that it mattered to me because he really did a fantastic job helping me to see my real self-worth but it was just one of those random things that popped into my head. After about a year of sessions my insurance would no longer pay the full cost so I had to stop the therapy. Some time after this I ran into the therapist at the pharmacy and wouldn't you know that he was there with his partner.
My second therapist was a throw-back hippie, complete with a ponytail and slightly balding pate. I have never had a therapist speak to me as if he were more of a fellow patient than the person trying to help me. Nevertheless, he did provide some real insight into why I choose the relationships that I do and he confirmed the fact that I need to find what makes me feel happy and loved and that it is okay if that does not come from another person. My hippie therapist shared with me that he was on his third marriage and frequently cursed during our talks. I loved having both of these men as therapists because for the first time in my life I knew that I was talking to a purely third-party person. They had no connection to my day-to-day life and no vested interest in what I did. They merely put my actions and thoughts into understandable focus.
No comments:
Post a Comment