Thoughts on our autism journey

I recently read a letter from another autism mom describing the different milestones we as autism parents experience. It reminded of the most profound milestone that both my girls struggled to accomplish and it was as saying "my name is _______ ".

It broke my heart when between the ages of 2 and 3 years old both the girls just stopped progressing in their speech. Suddenly, instead of moving on to 5 or more word sentences, we were stuck at the same 2 and 3 word sentences that they had been using. They even continued using pointing and grunting to communicate their needs. Admittedly, I tried to deny that there was anything wrong with my children. I couldn't imagine that seemingly perfect babies could have something wrong with them.

In an effort to help them along I spent a lot of time with them going over the basics. We would sit in one of the bedrooms, so there would be no distractions, and I would point to myself and say "my name is mommy" and then point to them hoping they would say their own name. I can't count the number of times I was answered with "my name is mommy". Not only did I get frustrated by this but the kids did too because mommy kept insisting that that wasn't right and we had to do it again.

When the day came that they finally answered me with "you are mommy" and "I'm Lizzie (or Grace)", as the case may be, I was almost in tears. I could never have imagined that that would be one of the smaller hurdles that we would have to climb.

This journey has certainly been one I never could have planned for and it will be a journey that we as a family will continue on for the foreseen future. We have learned good and bad things about ourselves in our day-to-day life, myself included. The most important lesson has been for me, though. I have learned to be more accepting, to realize that what we imagine is nowhere near reality and to thank God every day for the small steps forward while asking Him for forgiveness and help on the huge steps backwards.

I am truly blessed that God had so much confidence in me that He felt I was the best parent for these two amazing gifts. And as God as my witness, I will not let Him down.